I'M SURE I HEARD THIS

Welcome aboard the 17.23 for Hastings. This train consists of eight coaches, which will divide at Tunbridge Wells. Passengers for Wadhurst and Etchingham should travel in the first four coaches, while passengers for Hastings should travel in the rear three coaches.

Please ensure you travel in the correct part of the train.

Due to a blocked drain, the fifth coach is flooded with three point five centimetres of organic material and should not be travelled in.

If you need to move from the first four to the last three coaches, or from the last three to the first four, please do not walk through the fifth. Move to the fourth coach if transferring to the last three or the sixth if transferring to the first four. Alight at an intervening station and move briskly from the fourth to the sixth if moving from the first four to the last three, or from the sixth to the fourth if moving from the last three to the first four. For your convenience, the doors will open on your right (if you are facing the rear of the train) or the left (if you are facing the front of the train).

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Welcome aboard the 17.23 train for Hastings. South Eastern Trains wishes to apologise for the fact that my earlier announcement was made with my plan of the train held upside down. Due to a blocked drain, the fourth coach not the fifth coach is flooded with organic material. Passengers for Wadhurst and Etchingham should travel in the last three (not first four) coaches, while passengers for Hastings should travel in the front four (not last three) coaches.

Persons changing from the first three (not first four) coaches or changing from the rear four (not rear three) coaches to the rear four or first three should move to the third (not fourth) or fifth (not sixth) coach, where the doors will open on your right (if you were expecting the left) or your left (if you were expecting the right).

Please ensure you travel in the correct part of the train.